Dark Side of Your Mom - Gyrating Bhtch

When we met, we were in the first grade and I thought she was pretty cool
That Captain Caveman was pretty sweet; the best cartoon on after school
We would snack on Fun Dip; I would eat the grape, she would have my cherry
We thought we would be friends forever; I should have been a bit more wary

I've known your mom for many years
Through this time there have been many tears
You think your mom is sweet as pie
But if I told you this tale, you would cry

These were much simpler times; tales of Deputy Dog seemed so complex
Juice and cookies were all that we had, a lifetime before we drank our Beck's
Then one night everything changed, so disturbing that time stopped cold
I know you are thinking the worst about now, but I will keep this secret 'til I'm old

I've known your mom for many years
Through this time there have been many tears
You think your mom is sweet as pie
But if I told you this tale, you would cry

"What did my mom do, what could be so bad, and why aren't you telling?"
Please young one, lower your voice; you must stop with all of this yelling
What happened on that horrible night was terrible beyond all comprehension
Though it caused my hypertension

I wish I could tell you each and every little detail of the events of that night
But If I speak of what happened it will be like reliving that terrible sight
I am sorry you can never know what it is that your mom once did
But if you ever find out, remember she was just a kid

I've known your mom for many years
Through this time there have been many tears
You think your mom is sweet as pie
But if I told you this tale, you would cry