gyrating bhtch










Without question, the crowning moment in Bhtch history culminated with the two evenings GB and many friends treated the Bailiwick Theatre Festival to a staged version of the most ridiculous of rock operas. Imperfectly but wonderfully executed, the band, cast and crew raced through both shows with frenetic energy, bringing the packed house twice to its feet. Only 500 saw the shows, but years from now, millions will say they were there.


A crowd of people watch a circus side-show attraction. They begin to boo and jeer. A man sitting with his young son reaches into a large sack labeled ?The Produce Section,? and removes a whole bunch of vegetables; he proceeds to fling them at the focus of the audience?s displeasure.

Years pass.

Townspeople mill about the main thoroughfare of a small town. In the midst of this, there dashes a strangely-costumed man, whom the townsfolk identify as Captain Flywheel, a ?superhero? with the strange and awesome power to heal broken mahcinery solely by means of empathy and caring. It is obvious that these folks revere him. One person who particularly reveres him is Mindy Coffey, the proprietor of a local convenience store, namely, the Caucasian Chicken. Mindy?s affection for the Captain is readily apparent. As Flywheel works his magic, Neal Sotvey, a shifty-looking man with a strange neck, arrives in the quiet burg, bringing with him a bigger-than-a-corpse sized item covered with sheets or paper.

Time passes.

It is morning, and Horace Dryer, a mild-mannered grocer in this same burg--?who, remarkably, looks just like Captain Flywheel?because he is?prepares himself breakfast. In an attempt to make some toast, Horace notices that his toaster is not working, producing nothing but raw bread. Sensing the toaster?s angst, he dons his Flywheel costume and proceeds to counsel the toaster. In the process of consultation, Horace reveals that, more than anything, he would prefer not to be a grocer. Eventually, the Captain?s awesome powers overcome the toaster?s feelings of inadequacy, and toast is produced.

Meanwhile, Neal enters the hustle and bustle of the main thoroughfare, his presence boding ill. In a moment of reflection, he reaveals that he has come to the town for purposes of revenge. Upon what or whom is as yet unknown.

Mindy begins to open the Caucasian Chicken. In the process, she ponders her hopes and dreams: her love for the Captain, her desire to manage an appliance store, and, in opposition to this, her ineptitude with machines.

Horace has since opened his grocery store. In contemplating his lamentable existence as a grocer, he takes a walk out back to his own personal garden. Reminiscing about his father?s days as a successful grocer. Being a grocer, although not his desired lot in life, has become, to his reckoning, his duty. After he re-enters the store, remarkably robust, and vaguely human-sized vegetables begin to grow. The vegeatables speak (!) and announce that they have come to life to help Horace realize his true calling.

Horace comes alive as Mindy enters his store, making her weekly visit to pick up a sack of potatoes for to run her potatoe grandfather clock. As she wanders about Horace?s poorly-laid-out store, Horace admires her from afar. Eventually, Horace finds her his best sack of potatoes, and she goes on her way, oblivious to his affections.

Time warps?possibly(?)

Once Horace snaps back to reality, he feels compelled to go out back to his garden. There he finds a bounty of robust, newly-grown vegetables. Overjoiyed, he decides, on the spot, to host a gargantuan sale to turn around his failing grocery store, the focus of which will be these remarkable new vegetables. He titles the sale ?Produce or Else.? In the end, the sale is an utter and complete failure.

Across the street at the Causaian Chicken, Neal makes Mindy an offer she can?t refuse: to set up his miracle blender in the Caucasian Chicken for an in-store demonstration. At length, Neal tells of his prowess as the ?Blendor Vendor,? and his hatred for vegetables of every ilk. Neal is determined that nothing stand in the way of his blender?s success. Intimidated, Mindy conceeds.

Back at the grocery store, Horace laments his failed buisness venture and his ineptitude as a grocer. Suddenly, on the brink of utter despreatin, he hears voices. It?s the vegetables, and Horace struggles with disbelief. The vegetables, realizing that Horace?s confidence is at an all-time-low, encourage him to follow his dreams of being the fix-it man he has always wanted to be. When he protests, they tell him that while he may think that he needs his costume to use his awesome powers, it is, in fact, a placebo. The power comes from within. In the end, he remains unconvinced, donning his costume to roam the city streets, a dark knight of appliance repair.

Horace mulls over his confusion as he roams the town repairing appliances.

Captain Flywheel and the Produce Section (live)

session date: 1994-10-06
number of songs: 15
session length: 01:10:05
overall rating: 6.00

Captain Flywheel
Potato Envy
All Thumbs
Candy Bar
Produce Or Else
Blender Vendor
Follow Your Dreams
Not Even A Little Bit
Date and a Break-in
Horace's Lament
The Pitch and the Catch
The Revelation
Goiter Man
The Produce Section
* = bonus track