gyrating bhtch


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Hairbo Does Heroin
If you're serious about Bhtch, you'll start using heroin.
The Shotgun Years will truly come alive.
Our ghost-writing project will succeed beyond our wildest dreams.
We'll tour extensively for a few years, and the media will descend upon you as the true genius of Bhtch.

Chickenshake will totally be in the money, buy the Chicago Bears, and then sell them to the Packers fans.
We'll finally buy Bhtch Island and, eventually, you'll kick all of us off.
The rest of us will stage a revival show in Vegas where we hire Antknee to replace you
The critics pan the show as "not being true to their roots," although two legions of Bhtch fans emerge: those who are considered "OGB" and those poseurs who have been "BhtchSlapped."

The show enjoys a few years of financial success, although the Blowman leaves a year in after buying a catamaran to sail the Caribbean, never to be heard from again.
I make some drunken comment to a fat chick after one of the shows that ends up getting Brickyard sued by the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance;
Yard ends up owning a small luxury hotel chain as a result of the lawsuit.
I meet Maynard James Keenan at some seedy Vegas bar and he sells me his vineyard in Arizona for $125k.

Antknee takes over the show and franchises it in New York, Dallas and Tampa.
Booger documents the whole fuckin' deal and makes an Oscar-nominated documentary out of it.
You end up churning out Bollywood musical screenplays at five million a pop.
It is your density.
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