Country Christmas - Gyrating Bhtch

Woke up at the crack of dawn
'Cause I heard the rooster crowin'
Looked at the calendar on the wall
Realized I'd made it through another fall

It was December 25th on the dot
I realized I was in a heck of a spot
I hadn't bought a single gift
So I had to go to the Salvation Army store of thrift

Went out into my barn yard
Fired up my truck, it started hard
Halfway into town I saw my friend Earl
Started thinking about my friends and my girl

Earl said he'd forgot it was Christmas
'Cause he'd been working on the farm
The hard work had done his mind harm
He was going to the Salvation Army

Well merry Christmas Earl
How's your truck been running?
You know, the one the color of pearl
It was big, fast, and mean
Didn't get good gas mileage
But he always kept it clean

So I told him to jump on in
But h'd have to sit with my dog Jim
Said he didn't mind, of course
'Cause he'd been ridin' all winter with a horse

Got to the store of thrift
And bought trinkets and baubles as gift
As we headed back in my truck
I reached in my pocket and found a buck

With all that money and wealth
I stopped in at Marble's and drank to my health
Feeling might happy and glad
A tear dropped in my beer, 'cause I was sad

It was a Country Christmas
In every sense of the word
I had my truck and beer
My true love was nowhere near

Well merry Christmas Earl
How's your truck been running?
You know, the one the color of pearl
It was big, fast, and mean
Didn't get good gas mileage
But he always kept it clean